For those not following Facebook posts, know that I am alive and well in Fulton. It's a difficult transition to make, going from living on my own and cooking for myself to living with my parents again. I won't lecture you on the specifics, but it's incredibly frustrating sometimes.
The thing I miss the most, though, is my church. I was only at Servant's for 5 months, but I really miss the intellectual community there. People here (or at least the ones I know) don't talk about art, don't seem to care about community development, and don't particularly care for theological conversations. I've only been here for two weeks, but I feel ready to explode with questions and conversations. The internet is full of places to debate these things, but it's just not the same.
A major plus, though, is that I already have a job! I start Monday as a Direct Care Associate at New Choices, Inc, where I'll be working with people with disabilities as an assistant/caregiver of sorts. I have several weeks of training before I actually start giving one-on-one care to clients, but I'm rather excited to start this. It's going to be an excellent entry into the social work field, I should think.
I've also decided not to run for political office. Even I don't know what my political views are anymore, and that doesn't look so great on a campaign poster: "Vote for Sarah Juist, because she's as confused as you are!"
I have no idea how long I'll be here, but here's to hoping that I don't lose the rest of my sanity in the meantime!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
already and not yet
Theology professors love that phrase. I'm confused by it, mostly, but it fits quite well into my life right now.
In case you didn't read the last two or three posts, here's a bit of news: I'm leaving Western Theological Seminary in four days to move back into my parents' house in Illinois.
The reactions to this news have been interesting so far: they ranged from shock and sadness to "well, I saw that coming..." to a bit of excitement as they realized that my library job was up for grabs. (Family and friends in Fulton at least feigned excitement at my moving back indefinitely, but check back here in a few weeks to see how that's going.)
The last sentence of my previous post is so true, however: the hardest part is the act of leaving. Saying goodbye is never easy, no matter how short a time you've spent somewhere. Despite only being here six months and not really developing a whole lot of deep relationships, I have cried more in the last two weeks than I have since leaving Knox.
But because I have to explain this to my church on Sunday, here's a short (I hope) explanation of how this decision came to be:
If you've read any of my previous blog posts, you know that I never really felt at home here. I didn't come in with any sort of theological background, and although I loved my classes, there was always a nagging feeling that I don't belong here.
That triggered a desire to transfer seminaries, and the most likely option was Chicago Theological Seminary. I looked at MSW (Master of Social Work) programs in the same area, as I feel more and more drawn to that field. Then, I realized how indecisive I am and unsure of which degree I really should get. That lead me to apply for several different jobs, mostly in social work/non-profit organizations, to test the field and gain some experience. Then came a slightly terrifying realization: I would either have to continue attending school and rack up some more student loans while waiting to hear from those organizations, or move back to Fulton--something I swore I would never do. (That was my first mistake.)
In processing that realization, I also realized that I've been running away from a lot of things and people from my past (read: Fulton) that I really need to deal with in one way or another in order to move on with my life and cease living in this fear of inadequacy.
It was then that I realized just how much growing up I need to do before I can even think about becoming a pastor. That solidified my decision to leave, and I began sending emails. I fully expect to be drawn back to seminary somewhere, someday. This has been a great taste of what's ahead, thus the title of this post: already, and not yet.
I have no idea how long I will be in Fulton. I would love to stay long enough to put down some semblance of roots before I gallavant away again, but I don't know if that's part of God's plan for me. I could be in any number of places three months from now. That thought is exciting, exhausting, and terrifying all at once.
In other news: packing is easier than I thought, but my room looks like a tornado went through it.
In case you didn't read the last two or three posts, here's a bit of news: I'm leaving Western Theological Seminary in four days to move back into my parents' house in Illinois.
The reactions to this news have been interesting so far: they ranged from shock and sadness to "well, I saw that coming..." to a bit of excitement as they realized that my library job was up for grabs. (Family and friends in Fulton at least feigned excitement at my moving back indefinitely, but check back here in a few weeks to see how that's going.)
The last sentence of my previous post is so true, however: the hardest part is the act of leaving. Saying goodbye is never easy, no matter how short a time you've spent somewhere. Despite only being here six months and not really developing a whole lot of deep relationships, I have cried more in the last two weeks than I have since leaving Knox.
But because I have to explain this to my church on Sunday, here's a short (I hope) explanation of how this decision came to be:
If you've read any of my previous blog posts, you know that I never really felt at home here. I didn't come in with any sort of theological background, and although I loved my classes, there was always a nagging feeling that I don't belong here.
That triggered a desire to transfer seminaries, and the most likely option was Chicago Theological Seminary. I looked at MSW (Master of Social Work) programs in the same area, as I feel more and more drawn to that field. Then, I realized how indecisive I am and unsure of which degree I really should get. That lead me to apply for several different jobs, mostly in social work/non-profit organizations, to test the field and gain some experience. Then came a slightly terrifying realization: I would either have to continue attending school and rack up some more student loans while waiting to hear from those organizations, or move back to Fulton--something I swore I would never do. (That was my first mistake.)
In processing that realization, I also realized that I've been running away from a lot of things and people from my past (read: Fulton) that I really need to deal with in one way or another in order to move on with my life and cease living in this fear of inadequacy.
It was then that I realized just how much growing up I need to do before I can even think about becoming a pastor. That solidified my decision to leave, and I began sending emails. I fully expect to be drawn back to seminary somewhere, someday. This has been a great taste of what's ahead, thus the title of this post: already, and not yet.
I have no idea how long I will be in Fulton. I would love to stay long enough to put down some semblance of roots before I gallavant away again, but I don't know if that's part of God's plan for me. I could be in any number of places three months from now. That thought is exciting, exhausting, and terrifying all at once.
In other news: packing is easier than I thought, but my room looks like a tornado went through it.
Monday, January 2, 2012
the beginning of the end
I arrived in Holland around 8:30 pm last night, after spending a few hours driving 35 mph on the interstate through a blizzard that started directly after I crossed the state line into Michigan. Suffice it to say that lake effect snow and I are not friends.
Today, I started the withdrawal process. I knew this was going to be hard, but it's even harder than I thought it would be. The heavy sighs, wide eyes, and slightly shocked faces don't make it any easier. I'm already emotionally exhausted, and I haven't notified my classmates or my teaching church yet.
Tomorrow, I leave for a 5-day Spiritual Disciplines retreat. Then begins the madness of packing, paperwork, and finishing up projects at the library. I have probably a couple hundred books to process, both going into and leaving the library's collections. I also have to figure out how this massive amount of stuff is going to fit into my car all at once. All of it made it here, right?
All of that said, I'm tired, emotionally and physically, of moving every three to five months. Leaving behind people that I've grown to like and trying to readjust to a new place and new people used to be fun and exciting. Now, I'm simply exhausted and I feel like a drifter--home has become wherever I'm sleeping that night.
In other news, yet another option has been added to the already long list of things I could do with my life: my father, in all seriousness, suggested that I run for the Illinois General Assembly this November. I would have to run as an independent, but considering the ridiculousness that is party politics right now, I would be OK with that. I'm completely eligible, too--I checked.
I'll post a "things I learned in 2011" list sometime soon. I'll also update the photos section with the two sets of decent family photos that now exist!
Thanks to those who take the time to read this. Always appreciated.
Today, I started the withdrawal process. I knew this was going to be hard, but it's even harder than I thought it would be. The heavy sighs, wide eyes, and slightly shocked faces don't make it any easier. I'm already emotionally exhausted, and I haven't notified my classmates or my teaching church yet.
Tomorrow, I leave for a 5-day Spiritual Disciplines retreat. Then begins the madness of packing, paperwork, and finishing up projects at the library. I have probably a couple hundred books to process, both going into and leaving the library's collections. I also have to figure out how this massive amount of stuff is going to fit into my car all at once. All of it made it here, right?
All of that said, I'm tired, emotionally and physically, of moving every three to five months. Leaving behind people that I've grown to like and trying to readjust to a new place and new people used to be fun and exciting. Now, I'm simply exhausted and I feel like a drifter--home has become wherever I'm sleeping that night.
In other news, yet another option has been added to the already long list of things I could do with my life: my father, in all seriousness, suggested that I run for the Illinois General Assembly this November. I would have to run as an independent, but considering the ridiculousness that is party politics right now, I would be OK with that. I'm completely eligible, too--I checked.
I'll post a "things I learned in 2011" list sometime soon. I'll also update the photos section with the two sets of decent family photos that now exist!
Thanks to those who take the time to read this. Always appreciated.
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