The Story

After reading my last few posts, I've realized that I left out a bit of information--mostly, how I came to be in Holland again. 

It's something that I still haven't fully processed myself, so this may not be the most sensible way of explaining it, but it's a start.

For months, I talked to several people about "when I go back to seminary...", and have always been convinced that this is somehow the right path for me.  The only question was when I would go back.

Now, one of the reasons that I left in the first place was simply that I felt intimidated by and utterly inadequate compared to my peers. Many had previous theological training and I did not, and while I was able to acheive good grades, I still felt that I lacked the proper background information to really process the information that I was given.

That, unfortunately, hasn't changed. 

But here's what has:

First, I am much more comfortable with my many shortcomings.  I've always been extremely self-conscious and more than a little too hard on myself.  (That's the only advice the psychologists gave me after the psychological testing process last year: "don't be so hard on yourself!")  And I've made progress in that arena, now that I am certain that this is really where God is leading me, and that it's a good thing for me to be here.  (The encouragement I've had this time around from others has helped a lot too, to be honest.  It's much easier to affirm this calling in myself when I hear it from other people as well.)

Second, I now know exactly what I'm getting myself into.  There will be no surprises (well, fewer surprises) and the gentlemen that wear a shirt and tie to class every day will no longer annoy the living daylights out of me.  Theological language, while I am still not fluent, will no longer sound just like Russian or Portugese.

Third, I am more comfortable with where I come from.  I've always been hard on my hometown, and I still am in many ways, but having made this my home for a few months, at least, has helped me to see the good things in it as well.  Having this foundation to build on is vital.

Finally, I am surrounded with support.  I have my classmates that I got to know well last year rooting for me, and it's been great to see them and reconnect a bit this week.  I'm also thinking about a monthly-ish prayer newsletter to send out to those who are far away, to give a bit more of a full update than the blog. If this is something you would be interested in receiving, leave a comment here or email me at myfirstname.mylastname at gmail.com. Tell your friends!

All of those things are reasons that I went back to Holland to finish what I started.

I have a vision of working in community development in a small community, most likely as a pastor or in social service administration.  I've been told that I should look into international missions.  Perhaps God will lead me somewhere completely unexpected--and I look forward to seeing what God has in store.  If the past few months are any indicator of the awesomeness that the future holds, then I'll be happy to trust the process.