Lacking Motivation

The past few days, I just haven't had any motivation at all.  I think I'm overwhelmed with the sheer amount of work that has to be done.  None of it is excessively difficult--there's just so much of it.  Here's a taste of my list of things to do before next Wednesday:

1. Finish and edit an open letter, based on the letters in Revelation 2-3, to the congregation that most formed me.
2. Read a 6 page article and answer 10 reflection questions on said reading.
3. Read 12 pages of Jean Calvin's Institutes of the Christian Religion.
4. Read a 35 page article and write out the accompanying study questions.
5. Read through seven chunks of the OT prophetic books, and memorize them well enough to be able to recognize a quote from each on the midterm and say which prophet wrote it.
6. Read several more articles and answer a whole bunch more study questions, the numbers of which I haven't yet counted.
7. Memorize at least 40 Greek vocab words, including every pronoun and definite article in the Greek language.
8. Memorize and recite to my class the Letter to Ephesus in Revelation 2-3. 

I won't bore you with the rest of it. (Yes, there's more.)  But now, you can understand my sense of 'overwhelmed.'

Despite all of this, I've taken the last two nights off from doing any real work.  I feel like I need time to absorb all of this, to reflect on it.  I need time to explore my own sense of call, I think.  But now that I'm over my head in reading, writing and 'thinking theologically', my brain just doesn't have any room to think about anything else.

By the way: if anyone can tell me how a person 'thinks theologically', and how I can switch my International Relations brain to Theology, I would very much appreciate that.  Five weeks in, I'm still not sure what that phrase means.

Other developments:

I finished another crochet project!  It's a neck warmer, for which I didn't really have a pattern.  I just kind of did whatever I felt like with it.  I'm hoping to get a picture of it that I can upload for you before I donate it to the church auction next weekend.  =]

I finally get to participate in worship this week!  I'll be the liturgist for the call to worship and the confession portion, which one of the pastors very graciously wrote out for me.  Hopefully next week I'll be able to write my own, which would be awesome. 

And finally, another PLUS/MINUS:

MINUS: Even after having been here for six weeks, I feel like I don't really know anyone yet.  Sometimes, I feel like I speak an entirely different language than most of my peers.  I don't really know how to explain it, other than in 'bubble' terms.  My bubble at Knox was so diverse (comparatively, at least), and so weird sometimes (and that's not necessarily a bad thing), that I seem to have trouble communicating with people that use the word 'normal' in a good sense.

PLUS:  There is so much support for women at Western.  Next week alone, there are two separate events just for female students: an evening with the faculty women on Tuesday, and a formal dinner with the women of Calvin Seminary (hosted by the two seminaries' presidents' wives) on Thursday.  In November, there's a luncheon (again, with Calvin), where two authors are coming to chat with us about their book and their experiences as women in pastoral ministry.  I am ridiculously excited about all of these things!

It's so refreshing to not have to defend myself or my call to anyone else here on the basis of my gender.  Do I question my own call sometimes?  Do  I have to explain my sense of 'call' every other day to someone new?  Yes, but never simply because I am a woman.  And that is awesome.

If I could figure out how to type this in Greek, I would.

I actually thought about typing an entire post in Greek, only to realize that no one would understand it.  Plus, I don't have the vocabulary to actually write it in the language, so it would all be transliterated anyway.

On that note, I must admit that I have a bit of an inflated ego from class this morning.  For some reason, Greek is coming to me extremely easily compared to most of my classmates, and my professor kept giving me that "how do you DO that??" look in class.  He asked if I planned on becoming a New Testament scholar, and I had to give him the same spiel I have to everyone else that asks me what I'm going to do with my life: "I HAVE NO IDEA."  He also (jokingly, I think) suggested that I tutor a couple of my classmates.  Awkward.

In other news, my mother came to visit this weekend!  It was wonderful to see her again, and show her where I live and what I'm doing.  I think it feels more real to me now that someone I know has experienced it with me.  If she ever gets the photo we took together off of her camera, I'll post it here! 

And here's a new part of every post to look forward to: PLUS/MINUS. (Yes, I just made that up.)  Basically, I'm going to start telling you one thing I like about the seminary or my life, and one thing that I'm not particularly a fan of. 

MINUS: Some of the people here can be quite condescending without realizing it.  This makes me sad, because most of my classmates will wind up in some sort of ministry organization or church somewhere.  (Plus side of this: I have, so far, refrained from freaking out on anyone for certain things.)

PLUS: lots of free food!  The community kitchen (free hot meals for anyone) runs out of the seminary, so I can get a free, fresh hot meal seven days a week and interact with people from Holland.  (This only applies on the three days that I don't have to work, however.)

Speaking of food, I'm off to a meet-and-greet luncheon! 

Things I've Learned

I keep thinking that today is Friday, only to realize that Friday is much less exciting when you have to work all day on Saturday. Thus, to make my day a little more interesting (and yours, too, I suppose), here are some things I've learned in the past two weeks or so:

1. My Church History professor has a PhD in Astrophysics. He converted to Christianity after reading the book of Proverbs, got another PhD, and now teaches at Western. Not. Even. Kidding.
2. My Old Testament professor blew my mind this week. Genesis is quite confusing if you really pay attention. Go read Genesis 1. Now tell me: how was there light before the sun? How did plants and trees exist before the sun? (Exactly.)
3. I make some awesome stir-fry. So awesome, in fact, that I eat it almost every day for dinner.
4. In the neighborhood my teaching church is in (Westown), there are a ton of sketchy liquor stores. Often, what they'll 'hire' a few homeless men to stock shelves and unload trucks, and pay them in beer. Sometimes, they'll let them sleep in a gutted, disgusting apartment upstairs. I'll never understand humanity.
5. One of the first people I met at my church was an older lady named Jerrie. I found out last night that she was a painter, and she made over a hundred paintings. They're scattered throughout the world now, but she donated two to the church auction. They're amazing. If I had the money, I would buy one in a heartbeat.
6. Michigan is cold and dark. The high today was 59 degrees, and the sun still wasn't all the way up when I went to class at 7:45 this morning. Ridiculous.
7. I still remember enough Spanish to understand the general direction of a conversation, but not enough to really contribute. It works out well when I meet someone who understands English, but doesn't speak it very well, because they can speak Spanish and I can speak English.
8. I need to sleep less and study more. Greek, for example, is relatively simple so far, but I just don't have the motivation to sit down and study it for half an hour every day.
9. I've become so familiar with the library database software that I almost put a library joke on facebook today. Problem? This joke is only applicable to the 4 people that currently understand my seminary's library problems, and I'm not facebook friends with a single one.
10. Grocery shopping is ridiculously predictable. I've found that a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, one dozen eggs and two boxes of cereal will last for two weeks. A bunch of bananas will go in one week, and a cup of cooked rice will make at least two meals.
11. Servant's is almost exactly half an hour from my house. I keep leaving about 45 minutes before I need to be there, just out of caution, only to get there 15-18 minutes early. Awkward.

why I love my church

Sometimes it scares me how easily I adapt to new things.  A month ago, I couldn't even fathom going to sleep before 10 pm.  Six months ago, I had meetings that started at 10 pm.  Now, though, getting up at 6:15 am is normal, and being awake at 10 pm means not-good things for the next morning.  Waking up to the sun means one of two things: it's Sunday, or I'm late for class. 

I feel like this is somewhere I've always been.  It's quite an odd feeling, when I think about it. 

Then, there are the mornings when I wake up and realize that I'm in seminary.  For a split second, I freak out--and then I remember everything that brought me here.  If I've gotten this far, God must have something for me here, right?

I've said this before, but I really do love my teaching church.  It's a community church that is deeply committed to the neighborhood that it's in.  It's not really a great one--there is a lot of unemployment, some gang activity, dilapidated homes, and homelessness.  But this church makes a point of making everyone equals.  Everyone contributes something to the church, whether it's financial resources, time and energy, or spiritual gifts.  Last week, one of the consistory members (who was wearing jeans and a flannel shirt, by the way) stood to give the call to worship. 

Each week, they do what's called a 'Family Feast', which is basically a community meal.  It's free to any visitor, and a different church provides it and serves it each week.  They have other churches do it so that there's no hierarchy within the community--no set group of people giving handouts to another. 

The very first Sunday I walked in, they did something I have never seen another church do in my life.  They had a footwashing service.  That's right--they got on their hands and knees and washed one anothers' feet in a gesture of humility, equity, and love. 

But I think the most simple reason I love it is the atmosphere, or the attitude: the pastor described it as "come as you are, sometimes to the point of annoyance."  It reminds me a lot of Knox, where 'normal' is a setting on the dryer.  It's multi-generational, multi-ethnic, and just a very loving, open community. 

I'm about to head over there now, so hopefully none of this changes.  But if God brought me here just to learn from this community, I would be OK with that.

(Someone remind me this week to post about the sermon series that Servant's is doing.  It's pretty darn awesome!)

Servant's Community

Here are a couple of new developments in my life:

1. I am officially an intern at Servant's Community Church in Grand Rapids!  I'm driving up tonight to be a part of their Wednesday evening meal and prayer service, and I'll be officially introduced on Sunday during worship.  Here's their website, for those interested: www.servantschurch.org

2. I started work last week as a "Technical Services Student" in the library.  I now know more about library software than I ever thought I would, and I'm really hoping that it all found a spot in my brain, because I don't want to spend another two hours staring at a computer screen trying to figure it out.

3. Tomorrow, as a 'happy Thursday' present, I get to endure four hours of psychological testing.  This is something the seminary does for all of the first-year students, just to make sure they aren't letting future mass-murderers loose into the world with an M.Div.  For those of you familiar with such tests, I'm taking the MMPI2, the 16 Personality Factors test, and the Campbell Interest and Skill Survey, all in one afternoon.  Sounds like fun, right?

In other news...

My head is spinning with Greek and Theology and Church History and internships and library things.  Keeping track of six classes, an internship, and my job is ridiculously difficult.  Now I understand why so many students elect to spend four years on their degree rather than three.  It's not difficult work, there's just so much of it! 

I also understand why I was told on Monday that for the sake of my sanity, it's not advisable to do all of the homework I'm assigned. Obviously, things like papers and exams take precedence, but don't do all of the readings. I still haven't figured out how to decide which ones you skip or skim, though...

Speaking of which, I'm off to go learn some Greek definite articles and vocabulary. 

Things I should be doing right now:

1. Studying for my Greek quiz. (First person to tell me the best way to memorize first declension noun cases wins a baked good of their choice!)

2.  Reading two weeks' worth of backed-up Theology homework.  (I should get the book in the mail today.)

3.  Preparing myself for my internship interview tomorrow.  (I already like this pastor.  He's hilarious.)

4.  Familiarizing myself with the library catalog and locations of things in the library.  (Did I mention I got an awesome job in the library?)

5.  Anything but blogging. (Oh well.)

For those of you cringing at the sight of my procrastination, take comfort in the fact that while doing this, I've gone through my syllabi and figured out exactly what I need to do this week.  I'll have plenty of time to get it all done and still fit 8 hours of sleep in. 

To be honest, I don't feel like a graduate student yet.  I barely feel like a student!  I'm sure this will come back to bite me around midterms, but so far this semester is cake compared to a term at Knox.  It's week two and I don't have anything major due for at least another week.  One of my classes doesn't even have anything but lectures, some readings, and a midterm and final.  The exams are our only two grades.  I didn't think that these courses really existed in academia, but apprently they do. 

Now that I have 20 minutes left until my library training seminar, I guess I'll go study Greek now. 

To those of you who have Pumphandle today, enjoy it while it lasts.  Someday you'll be sitting at a desk in some strange place and wonder how in the world you got there.

things I learned this week

1. Most of my classmates went to RCA schools.  I, in contrast, went to Knox College, the polar opposite of said RCA schools.   
2. The Greek alphabet's lower case.
3. The earth is, according to one of my professors, approximately 5015 years old.
4. Martyrdom, in ancient times, referred to the actual testimony given before a court that resulted in death, not the death itself.
5. Nero really was crazy, and even his own subjects thought so.
6. In Zambia, cornmeal is a dietary staple.
7. A semester system really is much less intense than a 3-term system.  The heaviest reading load I'll ever have for one of my classes is 40 pages.  I can deal with that.
8. 1 out of 7 people will get my name right on the first try.  The rest will either look at me like I'm a little nuts, or make jokes about being "JUICED!" 
9. My advisor's name is Sue, and part of me swears that I know her from somewhere.
10. There are far too many people here that look familiar.  And at least half of the people here have been to Fulton, are related to someone in Fulton, or know a pastor that once lived in Fulton.

As you can tell, most of this is useless information.  I have learned useful things, but haven't really found a way to put them in a short, pithy sentence.  There will be more of these, rest assured, but for now, I'm just going to go eat dinner and try to tackle part of this mountain.

Ahead, Behind, and In Between

Today has been a good day.  Despite being late for both of my classes this morning (by about a minute each time, but still late), and drinking far too much coffee, today is a good day.

I have to admit, being in a place where God is not taboo is really refreshing.  I can happily trot up to one of my classmates and say "God is so good!" without having them look at me like I have three heads.  I loved (and still love) my time at Knox, but it's nice to be surrounded by other Christians. 

We sang my very favorite song in chapel this morning, and there's nothing quite like being drowned out by a thunderous crowd singing In Christ Alone.  The male-female ratio here is exactly the opposite of Knox, with at least twice as many males as females, so it's a very different dynamic. 

Besides my favorite song, two more awesome things just happened in the past half hour.  First off, the seminary president (Tim Brown) just walked by me in the atrium (where I'm currently sitting) and said "Sarah!  How's it going?", and proceeded to have an actual conversation.  To know that the president actually cares about who I am and how I'm doing just gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling that I liked so much about Knox.  Not that Roger ever did remember who I was, but it's nice to walk around and see friendly faces. 

Not ten minutes later, the circulation manager from the library walked through the atrium looking for some coffee.  I had interviewed two separate times for positions in the library (one at the front desk and one doing cataloguing), and she then proceeded to offer me a both jobs!  So I go in on Thursday for training, and I'll be working a couple of afternoons per week, some hours over lunch, and probably one Saturday per month.  I wanted this job so badly, because I really deplore my current job.  [For those that missed this, I currently hand out free samples at Walmart for a living.]   So I'll probably send in my letter of resignation sometime this evening, and see whether they still want me to work at Walmart on Saturday.  It's such a relief to have that burden gone!

And, finally, I think I might have an internship site in the works!  I haven't heard anything from them yet, but one of the administrative staff from Western emailed on my behalf and I sent an introductory email this morning.  So hopefully that will work out, and I'll have an internship soon. 

That's the life update for the day.  Check back tomorrow for a 'what I'm learning' update!

Alphabet Soup

Can you imagine what Greek alphabet soup would look like?  Ridiculous, that's what.  I'm currently trying to memorize the lower-case versions of the alphabet, and my handwriting (which is already atrocious) is now even worse.  I would show you, but, well...

In other news, classes start tomorrow.  The week starts off with Entering Christian Ministry at 8 am, followed by chapel, then Church History.  Sounds like fun, right?

Tuesday's schedule is even better: Greek at 7:45 am, chapel, then Intro to Theology and Worship, followed by a four-hour break until Congregational Studies begins.  Wednesday adds Old Testament Survey to the mix. 

Believe it or not, I'm actually excited for most of those classes.  I'm especially looking forward to Greek, despite the horror stories I've heard.  Maybe by the end of the semester I'll have changed my tune, but I'm reveling in my blissful ignorance for now.

Friendship House is wonderful.  The community here is great--just walk down the hall and you might find a movie night, an ice cream run, or a 14-mile bike ride at 7 am.  (All of those things have happened in the past 48 hours, by the way.)

To be honest, I wasn't a fan of the seminary at all when I first arrived.  But this place might just grow on me after all.  I told my mother this morning that I'll stay here until graduation, or until God tells me to leave, whichever comes first.  I don't know what God has planned for me, but I can finally trust that it will. be. epic. 

So, what's new?

It just fit.

Everyone's been asking me "why seminary?" since I've moved to Holland.  To be honest, that whole discerning process is very much a blur right now.  I've managed to come up with an answer every time, but explaining how I got here is difficult.  All I can say is 'well, it just fit.'  It felt right.  I haven't managed to get a straight answer out of anyone else, so who knows what the 'proper' reason for coming to seminary is.  I sure don't.  All I know is that I'm here, and I'm going to give this my all until God sends me somewhere else. 

Living in the Friendship House is getting a lot better.  I finally have all three of my roommates here, and the newest one is a first-year student, who also came here straight from college, so it's nice to have someone to share that experience with.  I'm still in that awkward phase of trying to meet people, but so far I have met some really nice guys, who happen to live downstairs.  The Friends are really sweet, and I think this will be a good way to keep me grounded.  To be honest, I was really nervous moving in here, and I'm still a little nervous, but I'm hoping it will be good.

I also saw some good friends from Knox this weekend, and tonight.  (I keep forgetting it's Monday.)  The InterVarsity crew went through Holland on Friday, and Jamie stopped by tonight.   It's so nice to see familiar faces, and speak the Knox language.  I didn't realize how much of a bubble I had until I got here, and everyone speaks differently and acts differently.  It's probably sad to say this, but I think I'm going through a little bit of culture shock right now.  I'm the only one here from a secular school [that I know of], and it's a little disconcerting. 

All in all, I think this will be an interesting experience, to say the least.